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Randall Wagner

Occupation
Lurking Fat Bloke
Location
Neuwerk, Deutschland
You'd probably learn a little more about me by reading my opinions in the blog to the right. Do it now.
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Haanzer
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The Politics of Camping

Because the world needs more long sentences. And commas.

Blog
March 16

RiP: The Politics of Camping

"This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper."
                                                   - T.S. Eliot
At 07:18am today, March 16th 2009, Microsoft sent me an email claiming they have found offensive images and illegal behaviour on my space, and claimed they'd shut it down in 48 hours if the images are not removed. Their actual words were:

"....We have found images involving harassment on your Space, savehaanzfromwork.
 
Please remove these messages on your Space that violates the Windows Live Spaces Code of Conduct, within 48 hours.
 
Violations include, but are not limited to, nudity, partial nudity, pornography, harassment, and illegal or offensive behavior.... "

No information whatsoever as to what the offending article was. I have my theories it was "goldeneyeshooter is a freaking legend.." that set it all off; my statistics page shows a couple people found my website via googling "goldeneyeshooter amazon", pretty weird.. I guess I'm the top hit for that, with the only others being some obscure archived forum references. People just don't like making fun of 12-year-old kids with trigger-happy keyboard fingers like they used to.

Anyway, it would suck having my Windows Live account deleted and having to figure out who I need to add to Windows Live Messenger again, so I guess I just complied the best I could and removed every blog post barring my initial one, which so happens to contain no images, swear words or anything offensive like that. Just raw, pretentious Haanz genius the way I know and love it. Before I deleted them all however, I had all of my posts copied into a .doc file (you can threaten to close my account, but I'll still write my smut in your applications, Microsoft!) and read a good few of them back to myself as I copied them..

I'm going to miss having this blog here, there's just so many good memories. Devotees will remember back to the 16th of July 06, back when I was doin' a geeky version of a myspace LOL READ ABOUT MY LIFE AND CRAZY EXPLOITS ROLLING BACK MY PSP'S FIRMWARE sorta thang, or the now dead (thank you, AOL Hometown, for shutting down and taking my images hosted down with you) Fat Alfred's Big Day Out(side of the Demo Walls)... gosh, do you remember when glitching was still fun? I also found an age-old post declaring I'd just achieved 10,000 gamerscore on Xbox Live from November 06. It's now March 09 and I've yet to reach 20,000. Oh, to be young..

I do have a few regrets. I never got around to finishing The Politics of Camping essay, or giving it the stylistic re-write makeup it always deserved. I never did get to tell you in detail just how mind-blowingly amazing the DooM RPG was (for reasons so close to the heart of this blog), and I only ever got around to using the word 'stomped' once in the blogs entire three year span.. I don't want to know how many times I started a paragraph with "Anyway.." or "So,".

It's time to start closing with thanks, but I'd like to bring a little extra attention and give thanks to Fox over at Sanity For Dummies for the kind words about TPOC, and of course his own fantastic blog which was also all but abandoned around the same time as mine. Go read it, then head to his other website Convenience Software and reserve a copy of GetItBack if you've got a Blackberry; it's due out this month.

Yes, looking back it's been quite a ride, from my not-so-humble beginnings criticising cruddy MSN Spaces, to my 15 minutes of lite internet fame with "Stop! Take some time to think. Figure out what's important to you." This space has been pretty good to me over the years, and certainly did wonders for my development as an amateur writer.. though I'll probably die before I stop abusing commas and parentheses.. Thank you to every single one of you who ever wandered into my space from Google, links from other blogs or my MSN Messenger contact list. Thank you to Zach and all the others who emailled me about the blog. Thank you to dictionary.com and theasarus.com, and thanks to Windows Live, for hosting this blog and all the debauchery that went on here, and for putting up with it without a word for three years.


Peace,
-Haanz.






1:43 PM | Permalink | Blog it | Random Musings
July 16

Screw Screwing Blogs

So, being bored in spite of having so much to do, I had a wonderfully colourful and unique idea. I was going to create an MSN Space, including a first blog - except with an exceptionally witty twist - I was going to parody the single blog post that absoloutely everyone seems to have next to their name. I'm sure you know the format:
 
"Look at this! I made a blog, because everyone else has one and I feel that it's about time I did too. And in this blog, I'm actually going to STATE that I'll never update it, and pretty much tell you that I've just wasted five otherwise potentially productive minutes of your life reading this generic crap that sounds the same as everyone elses blogs that will also never amount to anything bigger, or worth reading and has very long sentences like this one, except usually not so well punctuated."
 
But then, I realised something. That blog post is about as generic as the one it's mocking, and is seen on countless MSN Spaces around the globe, so then I considered mocking that. This went on until I realised the situation was similar to sitting two mirrors next to each other and counting how many mirrors I'd see in the reflection; I think you know where I'm going with this. So much for unique.
8:13 PM | Permalink | Blog it | Random Musings
 

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